


When The Night Falls So Hard.

by ApplesandAlways



Category: Major Crimes (TV), The Closer
Genre: F/F, Femslash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-14
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-14 05:04:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApplesandAlways/pseuds/ApplesandAlways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brenda has slowly been making Sharon more open, but when Sharon starts to show Brenda all sides of her, will Brenda think of her the same way? Will Sharon be able to hold all the things she never wanted anyone to know out because of the wall Brenda crushed down?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is really more Major Crimes oriented (going based off of what's going on in the show). Lots of femslash, and angst! Also, it's going to be long (each chapter while be rather long).

Chapter One  
When The Night Falls So Hard

Captain Sharon Raydor rolled her neck and took another long sip from the glass of scotch she had sitting in front of her. She could hear indistinct chatter fluttering throughout the bar. She thought of the day she had just encountered, and shook her head trying to forget. That was why she was here, to forget. She found herself looking through the top of her glasses around the tightly packed police bar. She spotted unforgettable blonde locks of hair, and met the gaze of none other than Brenda Leigh Johnson. She smiled lightly, and grabbed her glass as she made her way over to the booth Brenda was occupying alone. 

“Mind if I sit here?” She asked the blonde. Brenda blinked lightly, almost numbly, and nodded. Sharon slide into the opposing side of the table. “So, what are you doing in a police bar on a Friday night?”

“Just needed to get away from life for a while,” Brenda said with all honesty. Her accent making Sharon shudder slightly. 

Sharon lifted her right eyebrow. “So, you mean get away from Fritz for a while?” She said, getting to what Brenda truly meant.

“What makes you say that?” Brenda asked, setting down her glass of whiskey on a napkin. 

“Well, for one, when most people need to ‘get away from their life’ they go home, and curl up with a nice book-which I picture you doing. Two, you are in a bar; the one place where Fritz wouldn’t come into. And third, Fritz told me you two had an argument this morning,” she said, giving a deep character analysis. 

“He did what?!” Brenda snapped. Sharon could clearly see the anger within her.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” she apologized, knowing that Fritz had told her in confidence. 

“No, I’m glad you did,” Brenda stated. She looked down to her whiskey. “What did he tell you?”

“Just that you and him got into a dispute this morning, he didn’t specify about what,” she clarified. Brenda sighed, knowing that he wouldn’t… He would let others think it was on her.

“It is just so hard. It’s like he tries to understand, but he doesn’t. I miss workin’ with the police so much. I have never missed anythin’ so much… I never thought I wouldn’t, but here I am…” Not telling the actual reason why Fritz and her got into the fight, just a factor in it. Sharon could see that Brenda was holding back, but didn’t press for anything other than what she was given.

Sharon folded her hands on the table top. “Working for the DA isn’t what you thought it would be?”

“It is, but I miss the rush of catching murders. The thrill of putting someone that horrible behind bars for the rest of their life… I miss the people I worked with… My friends…” Brenda looked directly into Sharon’s eyes. “I miss you,” she let slip past her lips. Sharon blinked 3 times at the unexpected confession and took a large drink from her glass.

She looked back to Brenda. “I miss you too, working with you. Having you by my side. I feel so alone at work… No one there likes really likes me, and I am continuously getting shit. It is exhausting.” Brenda chuckled lightly. “Is it amusing, seeing me like this?”

“Yes,” Brenda confessed. “But it is just the team, Captain. They did it to me when I first got there, they will warm up to you.”  
Sharon smiled. “They’ve started to, but I am not you, Brenda. You are who they want.”

“Well, we got to be very close,” Brenda reminded her. She smiled lightly to the Captain. “I heard you took Rusty in?”

Sharon nodded lightly, and smirked. “I did, yes.”

“How is that goin’?”

She let out a sigh, and briefly raised her eyebrow. “It’s difficult. He was really resistant at first, but he is coming about. “

“He is? Good,” Brenda said with sincerity. 

“He is. He got accepted into a private school, and joined the chest club and theater. That is actually where he is now, staying a friends.”

“I am glad to hear he is doin’ well… Though, I must say I am a bit surprised that you aren’t keeping a closer tab on him.” Sharon twitched her bottom lip down to the right. “You are?”

“I gave him phone with GPS on it,” Sharon confessed. Brenda chuckled.

“Now that is more like you,” she said, and lifted her finger off her glass pointing it to Sharon. She took a drink from her glass, and set it back down. “How’s finding his ma goin’ anyway?” Sharon looked down to her glass, swirling the liquid its container. “You are looking for her, aren’t you?”

Sharon looked back to Brenda. “We found her actually,” she said, surprising Brenda. “She stole our money and ran off before ever reaching LA.” She shook her head. “A part of me was glad. Who could do that to their child? Just abandon him like that? Rusty deserves more than his mother. He is so wise, and hopeful; it crushes me to think of what she did.”

Brenda nodded. “Me too.” She huffed. “Change of subject,” she stated. “Other than work and Rusty, how are you?”

“Other than that, I am splendid. My daughter called last week, and she is coming down to visit from school for Christmas.”

“That is wonderful.”

“You should meet her… If you want,” Raydor suggested.  
“I’d enjoy that.”  
\-----------------------------------------  
Brenda looked at Sharon with wide eyes as Sharon began belting the lyrics to ’I want you’ as though she were alone. Her hips swayed to the rhythm as she stood near the jukebox, and the sight was so intoxicating for Brenda. As if the 7 whiskey’s she had drank weren’t enough. 

Sharon’s hands slid along the sides of her hips and stomach, clearly catching the attention of every male in the bar (even a few females). Brenda couldn’t help be glad there weren’t many, and most were drunk. Sharon slowly danced her way back to the booth, with eyes following her the whole time. She opened to look down to Brenda.

“I want you. I want you so bad. I want yooooouuuu. I want you so bad, it’s driving me mad. It’s driving me mad,” she sang to Brenda. Brenda bit her lip, and stood. She threw her money down on the table, knowing what was left of her glass onto her.

“Captain, you are drunk. We should get you home,” she said, pointing out the 9 drinks the older woman had, and ignoring the fact she had smelt alcohol on herself. Sharon just smiled, and pulled Brenda in close to her. She bag swaying her chest into the other woman’s, trying to dance with her. Brenda gasped, and pushed Sharon away. Sharon stumbled back, seeing the arousal now in Brenda’s eyes. 

“I was just trying to dance,” Sharon got out, laughing slightly.

“I’m not in the mood for no dancin’,” Brenda stated. She gripped the other womans arm, and dragged her out of the bar. 

“I can arrest you for assaulting a police officer,” Sharon spat, yanking her arm free from Brenda’s grasp.

“Oh, shut up,” Brenda said with half seriousness, and half playfulness. She walked up to a taxi that was waiting for drunk policemen to leave the bar to take them home. She opened the door. “Get in, you’re going home.”

“And you’re not?” Sharon tested.

Brenda growled. “I guess I am, now.” Sharon rolled her head, and it took her few seconds to get into the car. Brenda had to admit, she found it hard to not laugh. Both were clearly drunk, but Sharon just slightly more. Brenda slide in, and shut the door. The driver started down the road after Sharon told him her address. 

“You can stay at my house if you’d like,” Sharon offered. Brenda looked over to her confused. “I don’t think Agent Howard would like you to come home, whilst angered, and you smelling like his one vice.”  
Brenda bent her head down, agreeing. Keeping her secret inside. “You’re probably right.”

The rest of their 15 minute ride was in silence. Brenda looked over to Sharon every now and then to check to make sure she hadn’t passed out, and vice versa. When they reached her home, Sharon paid the driver, and got out. 

“This is where you live?” Brenda asked, acknowledging the large house for all of two people.

“Yes,” Sharon said, as she fumbled with her keys. After locating the correct one, she opened the door which led into a hallway. Brenda realized that the house was a duplex. Sharon switched keys and opened the next door. She entered, then left it open for Brenda to enter. She locked it, threw her keys onto the table in front of the door along with her purse, and turned on the light. She kicked off her shoes, and stumbled towards the couch. Brenda slipped her shoes off, and followed Sharon. 

Sharon huffed, and picked up a sweater Rusty had left on couch. She turned around to ask if she wanted to sleep on the couch or if Sharon should and Brenda take the bed. She would have offered the guest bed, but it was occupied by Rusty’s things. She gasped slightly at how close Brenda was, and Brenda was taken back as well. Sharon’s eyes fluttered between Brenda’s eyes and lips, and found herself leaning into them without even thinking. 

When their lips touched, Sharon pulled back realizing what she had done. Her face became horrified, unable to believe it. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“Sh,” Brenda told her. She wrapped her arm around Sharon’s waist, diminishing any space they previously had between them, and kissed her harshly. Sharon fell into the kiss, and pressed her weight against the blonde. Brenda took the weight, and began stumbling backwards. Sharon reinforced stability and led them to the wall leading into the hallway. Brenda flipped Sharon around, pinning her to the wall that was now right behind them. 

Their tongues fought for dominance, and Brenda pulled Sharon’s jacket and shirt off over her head causing their kiss to break, and Sharon’s glasses to fly off her face. The older woman’s hands found the buttons to the others pink cardigan and, being impatient, ripped the sweater open. The buttons flung across the ground, but neither woman seemed to notice or care. Brenda gripped Sharon’s wrist, and pinned them to the wall over her head with a thud. The blonde’s mouth traveled to the other woman’s collar bone, gaining a moan from the woman. 

She let slack on Sharon’s wrist, and took her hand downward to cup her breast. Her mouth began sucking at the flesh that bludging from Sharon’s bra. Sharon, not wanting anything holding her back from Brenda’s touch, reached behind her to unhook her bra. She pulled it off her body, breaking Brenda’s hand from her for a mere second. Brenda’s hand left her breast at the great dissatisfaction of Raydor, until she felt her palm down her stomach. The younger woman’s mouth left the older ones chest, knowing she had left it covered in hickeys. 

Her mouth found its way to Sharon’s, while her hand pushed inside the material of Sharon’s shirt from the hem. She pressed her fingertips into the captains thigh making the woman moan once more. Brenda tried not think of how she never felt more pleasure out of achieving an arousal than she did with Sharon. Without warning Brenda tore off the captain’s undergarments, tossing them aside, and pushed her fingers into Sharon.

Sharon, caught off guard, yanked her head away from the blonde and threw it back against the wall with a loud gasp following it. Her hands gripped Brenda’s shoulders. Brenda smirked at the reaction, and began moving the fingers in and out. Sharon tried to keep her mouth shut, causing a continuous hum. Brenda adjusted her hand to stimulate her as she push into her. Sharon felt her knee’s going weak and she tried to keep her balance. Her eyes fluttered unable to stay neither open or closed. Her mouth now opened as Brenda curled her fingers. She didn’t try to suppress the moan roaring out of her.

“You like that?” Brenda asked with the most seductive tone Sharon had ever heard. All Sharon could do was nod and whimper. “Tell me,” Brenda said, bluntly stopping. 

“Oh god,” Sharon cried, pushing her hand down, trying to regain the woman’s fingers. “Don’t stop. Yes. Yes, I like it. Please,” the older woman begged. Brenda grinned, and pushed herself back in. Sharon bit her lip, and arched her back. Brenda gained a harsh and fast pace, sending the woman into a wurlwind of ecstasy. Everything was swirling around so fast she couldn’t breathe straight. “I’m gonna-“ she got out. “Oh, I’m gonna-“ she tried again, still unable to finish her sentence but this time it was cut off from another moan ripping from her. Brenda got what she meant.

Brenda pushing her face into the brunette’s neck. She could feel the vibrations from her vocal cords against her lips. Sharon let out the loudest scream Brenda had heard from the woman, and her hands slammed against the wall as she rode her orgasm out. She felt her chest heaving as she tried to breathe correctly. Sharon spent the time calming down thinking of the last time she had orgasm, and knowing that she had never reached a climax that hard or fast in her life.

Brenda pulled away to look at the woman, whose skin was flush and her mouth opened slightly still letting out a breath unevenness. Even in this state, with her hair awry and eyes only half open, she was still more beautiful than ever. Sharon opened her eyes and looked into Brenda’s. Brenda, as hard as she tried, couldn’t read them. That was until Sharon placed both hands on either side of Brenda’s face, and brought her into a soft, sweet, kiss. 

It surprised Brenda at first, but it didn’t take long to melt into the kiss. Her arms wrapped around Sharon’s waist, feeling their bare stomach resting against each other. She could feel Sharon pushing herself off the wall, then pulling Brenda down the hall without lips ever parting. She felt Sharon turn, and Sharon’s left hand left the side of her face and reached downwards for her bedroom door handle. She was then pulled into the older woman’s room and quickly took off her sweater and bra. 

Sharon stepped back, unzipping her pencil skirt and letting it fall to the ground without any hassle. As she stepped out of the fabric, her hands reached out for Brenda’s denim jeans only to yank them down to her ankles. She stood back up, facing the now naked woman. She placed her hands on Brenda’s hips, guiding her to her mattress. Brenda sat on the edge of the bed and allowed Sharon to straddle her.  
Sharon’s hands trailed along Brenda’s shoulders, down her arms, and to her hands. Sharon’s hands covered them, brought them up to her lips, and kissed them tenderly. She let her lips flow down to her forearm. She stopped to look back to the woman.

Brenda had never seen Sharon so venerable, so human. It scared her but made her feel warm and home at the same time. She rubbed her lips together and allowed Sharon to lean in for another deliciously sweet kiss.  
Sharon pushed her force forward, causing them to lean down onto the bed. With her hands still held by Sharon, she could feel the brown hair against her shoulders and the other woman’s chest laying directly ontop of hers. Sharon released her hands, now letting them roam on the woman’s youthful body. She could feel her heart pounding inside her chest harshly against her chest cavity, it surprised her Sharon couldn’t hear it. Especially since her heart and their kisses were the only sounds in the room. Maybe she could but didn’t say anything. Maybe her heart was doing the same. 

Brenda tried to make sense of what was going on, but her mind was too far drunk to try and logically sort it out. She just knew it felt good, and she had never felt more right with anyone else’s touches caressing her. She knew it was wrong, even with the state of mind she was in, but it was all going by so fast (yet still painfully slow). 

“Do you trust me?” Sharon asked.

“Yes,” Brenda whispered, in almost a timed but firm voice. She didn’t know why, or when it came to be, but she trusted Sharon more than anyone, even her husband.

Once Sharon’s hands reached Brenda’s hips, she pushed the two of them into the center of the bed. She leaned back down onto Brenda, letting her hand travel up Brenda’s bent knee that was by the captains side. 

The captain hooked her leg underneath the blondes, and arched her lower back outward to place the two women’s cores firmly against each other. She heard a small gasp from Brenda, making her look into her chocolate eyes. She wished she could have read them through the drunken gaze and the blurriness of both their eyes. 

Sharon placed both her arms underneath Brenda’s shoulder, gripping them for stability, and began slowly rocking herself against Brenda. They kept eye contact, both their mouths agape holding silent moans. Brenda brought her hips up, allowing the stimulation to be even heavier. Her hands reached out and gripped tightly to Sharon’s hips. Her head rolled to the side, and Sharon to the opportunity to place a few hickeys on her. 

“Faster,” Brenda begged her. Sharon complied, and began rocking her hip slightly faster. “Faster,” Brenda cried again.

“Something are better slow,” Sharon simply stated. Brenda huffed lightly, knowing this was a battle she was not going to win without losing first. Sharon twisted her slightly, making Brenda finally cry out loud, tightening her hands on Sharon’s hips. 

“Right there,” Brenda muttered. Sharon nodded, letting Brenda know she intended to stay there. She began rocking a little faster and she felt Brenda’s grasp on her hips remain tight. Brenda moving her hips with Sharon’s gaining a steady rhythm. After another twenty minutes Sharon could not take anymore, and began moving faster and faster. Both could feel their climaxes building, and knew the others was too as their moans where now meshed and unending. 

She felt Brenda’s body tense, followed by a long drown out moan and then her body going slack. Sharon tipped her head back, body lifted off Brenda’s, feeling hers serge through her body. Brenda held her hips still, letting Sharon let it out. 

When Sharon looked back down to Brenda, both were covered in sweat with their hair sticking to them, both chest heaving heavily. Sharon leaned down to Brenda, and pushed her hair out of Brenda’s face. She kissed her affectionately, caressing Brenda’s cheeks with her thumb. Brenda opened her mouth for the woman, who hadn’t even asked for it but happily accepted. She pushed Sharon’s hair behind her ear.  
Sharon pulled away, and rested her forehead on Brenda’s. She knew she was too tired and weak for another round, no matter how much she wanted to. She knew this would never happen again, and she wanted to savor as much of it as she could. 

“How are you still so beautiful?” Sharon asked her.

“You’re one to speak,” Brenda replied. “I probably look horrific, but you’re stunning.”

Sharon chuckled, knowing this not to be true. Sharon regretfully pulled herself off Brenda, and moved to the head of the bed. Brenda sat up, feeling weak, and looked over to Sharon confused. That was until she noticed Sharon’s arm was stretched outward, waiting for Brenda to join her. Brenda crawled into the other woman’s arms, and let them wrap around her as she laid into Sharon as she wrapped her own arm around the stomach of the woman. Sharon began making slow and delicate circles on Brenda’s abdomen near her hip with the tip of her finger. Brenda let a soft “mm” push through her lips, and she buried herself deeper into the brunettes chest (which she was currently using as a pillow), allowing Brenda to fall asleep.

Once Sharon knew Brenda was asleep, she kissed the top of her head. She rubbed her lips together, tasting the words on her mouth. She took her free hand and enlaced its fingers into Brenda’s that was near Sharon’s hip. She sighed, enjoying far too much this feeling. A realization hit her, a realization that she stated out loud.

“I love you, Brenda Leigh Johnson,” she whispered. She felt a tear roll down her cheek, regretting not only the words but the fact that she knew it was true. She shook her head lightly, shaking the feeling, trying to enjoy the moment. Brenda shifted light slipping her right between both of Sharon’s, and Sharon rested her head on top of Brenda’s, trying to fall asleep. Something that wouldn’t come to her for another hour.

When Sharon’s eyes opened, it was to the exact same situation she’d fallen asleep to. Brenda’s head was laying on her chest, with her arms embracing her, and Sharon’s embracing Brenda. The smell of sex and alcohol still had a lingering hint in the room. The only difference was that the sun was now beginning shining into the room as dawn had barely broke the day, and Sharon’s head was pounding from last nights alcohol consumption. Sharon hadn’t even tried to fall back asleep, because she knew that she was now sober and the consequences of their actions was just around the bend. 

She looked down at the blonde hair collect on her chest, and wondered at how heavy of a sleeper Brenda was. Slowly and carefully, Sharon wedged her way out of Brenda’s grasp and walked over to her shower. After taking an overly long shower, in which she noticed the large purple marks running along her neck and chest, she stepped and threw on her black robe on. She opened her closest door to grab the purple one she never wore. She placed it at the edge of the bed for Brenda when she woke. She grabbed Brenda’s pants from the floor, knowing they smelt like the glass of scotch she spelt on herself the previous night, and her skirt. She walked out into the living room to pick up her shirt, underwear, glasses, and Brenda’s shirt, only discover all but one were ruined. She threw out her glasses, which were cracked and the frame bent, and her underwear. She held onto Brenda’s cardigan in case she still wanted it. She threw all three (Brenda’s pants, sweater, and Sharon’s shirt) into the wash with the load she had intended to today already. 

She sat on the couch with her knee’s brought up onto the couch, and rested her head on them. Her mind ran so fast. Trying to make sense of what happened. What had possessed them to act in such a way, other than alcohol and the already want to. She never did those types of things. She didn’t do one night stands, especially with someone who was married, nor with a woman. She never let anyone in, but ever since Brenda had wedged her way into her life she had begun to. Now, Sharon thought, would come the effects of doing that. The reason why she didn’t open herself up. The reason why she was so distant and hard. Her mind wondered, and time had been lost as she watched the rest of the sun rise. She heard shuffling coming from the room, and she knew Brenda was awake.

Brenda’s and let out a yawn. Her arms stretched upward, and her back arched. She opened her eyes, and pushed her hair out of her face. She squinted at the bright light, feeling the hangover she expected. Her heart sunk, she knew she was naked and she knew she was in an unknown room. She shot upward, and looked around for her clothes but only found a purple rob at the edge of the bed. She grabbed it quickly as she stood, grabbed onto the bed for a few seconds gaining her balance, and threw the robe over her body. She sighed, and let her memories of last night flood back into her mind. She let out a half sob half sigh, and put both of her hands one her face. She pushed her hands backwards past her forehead, and around the back of her head. She had cheated, with another woman none the less. With THAT woman. She regretted it, but at the same time it all had felt so right. Her heart and mind were now raging war. 

She turned around and flung the door open. She walked out into the living room, and saw Sharon sitting on the couch with nothing but a black robe on. Sharon’s only being held up by her knees, and her arms wrapped around her legs looking defenseless, like she wasn’t even going to try to explain last night or fight… Like she was heartbroken. Her hair had dried natural, making it wavy. Her gaze was on Brenda, and Brenda’s was on her. Even with her naturally wavy hair, and no make up, Brenda was amazed how beautiful Sharon was.

“Where are my clothes?” Brenda asked, clearly avoiding the heavy topic that faced them.

“I, uh, put them in the wash; they smelt like alcohol,” Sharon answered, slightly caught off guard but quickly gathering herself. “I should switch them into the dryer actually,” she said, standing. She walked past Brenda, and quickly changed the laundry, and joined the woman again in the living room. 

Brenda was sitting on the arm of the couch with her hands placed in her lap. Her hair was pulled over to her right shoulder, exposing a large hickey on her neck. Her gaze was aimed at the coffee table as she thought of how to handle this situation. She wished that it wasn’t a situation and that she could look over at Sharon, walk up to her and kiss her like the night before.

“I’m sorry,” Sharon said, catching Brenda’s attention who hadn’t realized Sharon had re-entered the living room. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I-I didn’t mean to ki-“

“-Stop,” Brenda stopped. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” she continued as she stood. She watched Sharon’s face drop, hurt. It killed her to see it, but she needed time to think away from Sharon. She broke her gaze down, and shook her head. “I shouldn’t be here.”

Sharon grabbed her elbow, crossing it over her stomach, as if sheltering herself. She nodded slightly. “I understand, but you have to wait for your clothes… Sorry, I didn’t want you going home smelling like a saloon,” she tried to make a quip. Brenda tried to smile, but she couldn’t as her heart was to torn. 

“Thank you… Isn’t-, uh, -my shirt?” Brenda questioned, wondering the condition of it, because of the event she could recall last night.

“Oh, that… There are no buttons on it, but I washed it anyway in case you wanted it.”

“You tore off all the buttons?” 

“Okay, in my defense you ruined my underwear and my 200 dollar pair of glasses,” Sharon added.

“Did I?” Brenda asked, clearly wanting to change the topic. Sharon took the hint.

“If you, uh, want to a shower while your clothes are drying, you can,” Sharon offered. “I will call you a cab and you can borrow one of my shirts.”

Brenda nodded lightly, accepting the offer. “Thanks.” Sharon tried to smile slightly, but couldn’t bring herself to. The fact that it was evident that Brenda wanted nothing to do with Sharon hurt her more than she ever expected. 

“The bath is down the hall, last door on the right,” Sharon explained. Brenda turned awkwardly and walked off to the bathroom. Sharon let out a shaky breath, and moved into her kitchen. She quickly started her coffee maker, and tried to clear her mind. She quickly walked to her room and found a shirt that was too small on her that would fit Brenda. She placed it on her bed, knowing that was shirt she would let her use, and then found herself sitting on the edge of the bed. Her hands rested on the mattress where she had slept with Brenda Leigh Johnson the night before. Where she had made love to her. She knew the moment to end as soon as it began, and she knew, deep in her heart, she would regret letting Brenda take advantage of her… Of her taking advantage for Brenda. At the moment it happened, she didn’t care and now feeling the heartbreak. 

She forced herself off the bed, trying to force away the memory. She grabbed the shirt and walked back out into the kitchen. She threw the shirt on the counter, and grabbed a cup from the cupboard. With the coffee machine still running, she grabbed the coffee pot from the machine. She did not care that the coffee was still dripping onto the hot burner as she poured her first glass of the day, she knew that today she would need more than one to make it through the day. She added her Irish Creamer, and picked up her cell phone to call Brenda a cab. The cab that would be here in fifteen minutes. She sat down at her dinning room table with her coffee, and listened for the shower to be turned off. 

Within seconds Brenda was standing in front of her in Sharon’s purple rob once more, but this time her hair was dripping wet and she wore no make-up. She looked lost, and not sitting with reality.  
“Are my clothes dry yet?” Brenda asked her with a monotone voice, as though she was trying to distance herself. 

“Uh, let me check,” Sharon said, walking back to the laundry room. She pulled out Brenda’s clothes from the drier, almost sad to see them dry. She stood, with them in hand, and reentered the living room. Raydor found her sitting on the arm of the couch again, with her head sulked down. “Here,” she said, extending the clothes out for Brenda to take. 

Brenda took them without looking up, making Sharon realize something. The only time this morning Brenda had actually looked Sharon in the eyes was when she first saw her, and it was as though she refused to do so again. What Sharon didn’t know was that Brenda couldn’t without feeling an overwhelming guilt. She needed to get away from Sharon. She needed to think. She needed to go home… to her husband…  
Brenda quickly dressed in front of Sharon, care to not let a single bit of flesh slip into sight. She turned to Sharon, who was now holding her ivory coffee mug with both hands for comfort. 

“Thanks for the shirt,” Brenda muttered. “When will the cab be here?”

“In a few minutes,” Sharon answered. Brenda nodded and began making her way outside. “You don’t… You can stay inside till it shows,” Sharon suggested.

“I… I need to leave as soon as possible…” Brenda said with sadness that she clearly tried not to show. “My husband is probably worried sick.”

The words were like a slap to the face to Sharon. Husband. She was his, and would never be hers again. She didn’t know if she would ever speak to Brenda again after this. Things would never be the same and she knew that. She tried to form words to protest Brenda’s leaving further, but could make nothing out. She could only watch as Brenda left. 

As the door shut, she felt overwhelmed with emotion; like everything came crashing down. She turned, and threw the glass into the kitchen letting it shatter against the cupboards. She felt a brick her chest, making her double over as a cry tore from her. She was never one to cry, she did not even shed a single tear during her ex-husbands and her divorce nor when she gave birth… She learned at a young age that she needed to be strong. She could not even remember the last time she actually cried, and she had never cried like this. But as that door shut, she felt so did her happiness. She sat on the edge of her coffee table and cradled her head in her hands, letting 30 years of suppressed tears come out of her. She moved over to her desk, unlocked the drawer, and pulled out the pack of cigarettes she hadn’t touched in over two months. The stress was to overwhelming, and she needed it… It was all she had to take at least some of the pain. She pulled a cigarette from the pack, and walked to her room for the lighter. She refused to let Rusty know she smoked, but she couldn’t go outside right now; not with Brenda out there. With shaky hands she put the cigarette in her mouth, lit it, and allowed its toxins to enter lungs with a deep inhale. She tried to stop the tears, but she could. At least now she could stop the sobs. 

Brenda shut the door to Sharon’s home, and jumped as she heard a crash coming from the other side. She leaned against the door, and heard Sharon let out a loud sob. Her hand rested on the door, wanting nothing more to walk back and hold her tightly, telling her that everything was fine and that she wouldn’t leave. She knew that going back in would only cause more problems. She swallowed harsh, trying to hold in her own tears, threw her bag over her shoulder, and walked out of the hallway to the street. 

She was surprised to see the green cab waiting for her. Figures that Raydor would call an ecofriendly cab. She walked to the door, and slide in without a word. The only thing she said the whole deration in the cab was the address of the bar, where her car was still parked. When they reached the empty bar parking lot, the only two cars that were there were hers. She walked quickly to hers, threw her things in the now unlocked car, and climbed in. Once she started the car, she drove out of the parking lot quickly, and got to her house within a matter of minutes. She was honestly surprised she had not been pulled over for speeding, but as much as she regretted leaving Sharon, she needed to check on her husband. 

She pulled into the parking lot of their new home, after finally convincing Fritz that they needed a new home. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror, and gawked slightly. She had a large purple hickey on her neck, and one that peaked out of the top of the low black v-neck t-shirt Sharon let her barrow. She dug through her purse, pulling out her foundation, concealer, and powder. Quickly she began applying them, layer after layer, covering the large bruise like marks Sharon had left on her skin. She could only get to the point where they were just barely noticeable, and she hoped with the dim lighting in her house would cover it.  
She pulled herself out of her car, and it seemed as though the walk to her front door was like a walk to the principal’s office. Her stomach was nothing but a large knot, and her heart was in her throat. The realization hit her again as her hand hit the door handle-she, Brenda Leigh Johnson, cheated on her husband. She had enjoyed cheating on him, and wished she could do it again. She had used Sharon as an outlet of her anger and revenge, and felt more than she ever imagined for the woman. She had sex with a woman. She… made love to a woman? The question made her heart sink further. It wasn’t just sex, they had made love? 

‘No’, she thought, ‘that is ridiculous, I could never make love with that woman.’ The woman that she hated yet had grown to be her best friend, the only who truly stood by her side when things got rough.  
She shook her head, shaking off the thoughts, and entered her home. All of the blinds were closed, leaving the area dark which she was glad because she couldn’t deny the pounding in her head any longer. She knew Fritz was still asleep, and that gave her relief. She walked to the kitchen to grab ibuprofen and a glass of water. She took the medication and turned to the counter. She saw the liquor cabinet open, and looked inside to see a missing bottle of her wine. She began walking back to the bedroom, and found Fritz fully clothed and passed out on their bed. The missing bottle of red wine was on the ground just below his hand that was dangling off the edge of the bed.

She silently reached down and picked up the bottle that was empty. She felt her jaw quivering, and she walked out of the room. She set walked back into the kitchen, and set the bottle on the counter loudly knowing it would more than likely wake Fritz. She heard him in the next room, and waited for him to enter the kitchen. She looked up at him, and his hair was thrown about and his eyes were sunk in

“Do you have to be so loud?” He asked with aggravation in his voice. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be,” she lied. She turned him, so she was facing him completely. She grabbed the bottle in her hand, and pointed it to him. “Do you have to continue to lie to me?” She asked, turning the conversation around. Fritz face dropped. “I asked you if you were drinkin again, and what did you say? ‘No’ and then you started screamin at me for accusin you of it, when you were?” She said, anger rising in her voice. “I stopped fighting because I believed you, and I gave you space that you wanted last night and you deceived me, Fritz.”

“Brenda, I didn’t want you to know,” he said. 

“I’m your wife, I need to know!” She was now screaming. She covered her face, trying not to cry. “Why did you start? Is it me, something I did? Is that why you didn’t want to tell me?”

“No,” he answered. “I couldn’t sleep Brenda… I kept seeing that little girls face.”

“What little girl?” She asked. 

He sighed. “I didn’t want to tell you… About a month ago, I was on a case we were taking down a mob. She was tool to make us give up, and we wouldn’t stand down… She was killed right in front of me, and I killed the bastard that shot her head off.” He looked up to Brenda. “She was only 8.”

She starred at him with wide eyes. “Fritz… I…” she found herself struggling for words. “I’m so sorry,” she got out. “I didn’t know, why didn’t you tell me?” 

He scuffed, and turned away. “Because…” He knew he couldn’t tell her that the little girl only amped his drinking, that he started before that when everything with Brenda and the lawsuit. He didn’t want her to feel guilty because of his weakness. “I thought I could fix it before you found out, but it keeps getting worse. I am trying, but I am struggling.”

“Fritz, I will do anything to help, just tell me… Please?” She begged.

“I need to do this on my own, Brenda,” he said, knowing she was part of the reason he was drinking. He needed to prove to himself that he could push past his selfishness for her. “I need to do it alone,” he repeated and walked out of the kitchen alone. She leaned into the counter, taking every bit of her energy not cry. Her chest felt heavy, and her breathing was heavy. 

How could he just turn her away like that? When she offered nothing but help? She hoped that he could this, because she don’t know how much longer they could take arguments they had been having. She was so unhappy, and with him pushing her away when she tried so hard to fix it only made her want to drive back to Sharon’s house. She knew that she couldn’t though, that no matter how much Fritz pushed her away he need her now more than ever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brenda has slowly been making Sharon more open, but when Sharon starts to show Brenda all sides of her, will Brenda think of her the same way? Will Sharon be able to hold all the things she never wanted anyone to know out because of the wall Brenda crushed down?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, rereading the last chapter I realized I forgot to change the fact that Sharon lived in an apartment. From this point on it will state that she is living in one, and not a duplex. Sorry if I confuse you:/

Chapter Two

Brenda sat on the edge of her bed, her legs dangling off it. She picked up her phone again, opening to the very one sided conversation that she was having Sharon.

'Please, Sharon. I need to talk to you. I will not leave you alone till you pick up your phone,' she wrote, and sent the text. She huffed, and flung herself back on her bed. She let the phone rest on her chest, hoping to hear it go off.

Three weeks had gone by, and she hadn't heard anything from Sharon. The first week was on her part, but now Sharon seemed to be the one who didn't want to speak to her. She waited for a few minutes before her phone vibrated on her chest. She jumped up, causing her hair to fling into her face. Quickly she pushed it out of her face, and opened her phone. Her heart jumped when she saw the message was from Raydor.

'Brenda please, I can't do this.' Was all the text read. Brenda let out a growl, after three weeks, that is all she says?

'At least let me see you. I need to talk.'

'If you need to talk so bad, tell me now.'

Brenda stood, and began pacing. 'I can't text it, I need to tell you in person.'

"Brenda?" Fritz called. She sighed, and walked into the kitchen where Fritz was sitting at the kitchen table.

"What?" She asked, not knowing why she was called.

"Sit," he instructed. She cocked her eyebrow, but followed his request. She set her phone on the table just as it went off. He reached over, shutting it off.

"Hey, I was in the middle of a conversation," Brenda fought.

"More important that talking to your husband?" Fritz questioned. She shifted in her seat uneasily, answering the question her head but didn't dare say the answer out loud.

"What do you need to talk about?"

He leaned onto the kitchen table. "I'm sorry, Brenda."

"You're sorry?"

"That I haven't been here. About the drinking."

"Have you stopped? Are you willing to accept help?" She asked. He looked down, and let his jaw go slack to the right slightly. "I knew it. You don't truly mean you're sorry, Fritz."

"How do I prove it you?"

"Let me help you," she insisted. "Stop pushin' me away."

He shook his head lightly. "I can't let you help me yet, please understand."

"How am I supposed to understand if you don't talk to me?"

He sunk into his chair, seeing her view. He knew couldn't though, because he didn't want her to feel guilty. It was really her fault, it was his for giving in to his indulgence. "I'm sorry, Brenda. I'm trying."

"I know you are tryin', but I wish you would just let me help," she said as she stood. "It's your choice." She reached down for her phone, and turned it back on. "I'm goin' to have lunch with Captain Raydor tomorrow," she said telling the half-truth. She was going to surprise Sharon with a visit so she could talk to her. "I'm goin' to bed."

Brenda walked back into her bedroom. She rolled her to the left, hoping to relieve some tension, and looked at her phone as it turned on. She opened her messages.

'I… I wish you would stop,' Sharon's text read. Brenda's heart sunk. Sharon had been the one to kiss her first. Sharon was the one who made it more than just sex. Why was she now acting like this?

Brenda let out a deep breath, and tossed her phone on the side table. No matter how much Sharon did not want to speak with her, Brenda would force her to. She knew there was a reason Sharon was acting this way, and she wanted to know. Even if she thought she knew the reason why. She changed into her pajamas, laid down on her side of the bed, and waited for Fritz.

Brenda's eyes opened as she was jolted awake. She hated the dreams where she stepped of sidewalk and fell awake, scaring herself. She looked over to her side and could see Fritz fast asleep by her side. She groaned, and rolled onto her other side facing away from him. Her head pushed further into her pillow, trying to get comfortable.

Her mind wondered, and somehow landed on Sharon (as they had had a lot lately). She thought of how long she waited to touch Sharon like that, to feel her. It was clear that Sharon had thought of Brenda romantically before because of the way she kissed her, caressed her.

'Oh god,' Brenda thought as her mind now wondered to the details. In her minds eye she could see Sharon's body pressed against her with her mouth calling out Brenda's name as they moved into each other. She thought of the way Sharon's lips tasted of whiskey and cherries. Her mind formed the image of Sharon's breast, curving into her slender stomach, down to her hips.

Without thinking, Brenda's hand slipped her now hot center, slowly rubbing the one thing that could take her mind away from her problems. A small moan rolled out of her as she hit a sensitive spot, and she pushed her head into the pillow so Fritz wouldn't wake. Something that failed as she let out another moan.

"Brenda?" She heard Fritz ask. Her hand ripped from herself, and she turned to look at him. Nothing but fear flooded her eyes, and it is all Fritz could see on her face. No shame, or guilt, just fear. "Were you just…?" He began, not able to finish.

"I…uh… I'm sorry," she said, guilt now showing on her face. "I didn't mean to wake you."

He sat up slightly. "Have you… been doing that a lot?" Brenda pushed herself further into the bed, not wanting to answer his question. Which in itself answered it. "If you wanted to be touched so bad, why didn't you say." He moved closer to her, and wrapped his arms around her as he planted a kiss on her.

She pulled away, knowing it wasn't his lips she desperately wanted. His face grew confused. She pulled herself out of his arms.

"Fritz, no," Brenda told him. He continued to look at her for an answer. He couldn't understand that if she wanted touched so bad why wouldn't she let him. "I can't…" she said, for a few reasons. She didn't want to be touched like that unless it was Sharon, and she didn't want Fritz to think she would just give in to him anytime he wanted. She was still upset with him, and he would pay for not getting the help he needed and for making her miserable. "I think I should sleep on the couch," she said, grabbing her pillow and walking out of their bedroom. She lay down on the couch, and tried to sleep.

"Lieutenant Provenza, could you and Lieutenant Tao please bring Mrs. Knight down for questioning," Sharon ordered, gaining two nods from the two lower ranks.

"Chief?" Lieutenant Flynn asked, as he caught the woman standing in the hallway leading into the murder room. This question caused all the heads to turn to the hallways, and for Sharon's heart to sink.

"Hi y'all. So nice to see you again," Brenda said with a genuine. She glanced briefly at Sharon, taking in notice that she still didn't have glasses on. She wondered when she would get new ones.

"You too," Detective Sanchez added, making her look to him. "What are you doing here?" He wondered out loud.

Brenda smile faded lightly, and she looked over to Sharon. "I actually need to speak with Captain Raydor," she answered. Sharon looked at her, she made her lips a firm and thin line as her jaw tightened.

"I told you, I have no desire to speak with you," Sharon said simply, and leaned down to the desk in front of her. She put all of her weight down as she placed her hands on the desk for support, and pretended to read the file beneath her.

"Well, I need to speak with you. If you like I can just say it right now, in front all your team. I am sure they would love to hear of your affairs."

Sharon's right arm gave out, causing her whole body to fall forward. She stood upright, and looked at Brenda with wide horrified eyes.

"My affairs!?" Sharon exclaimed. "The nerve you have," she spat. She gripped Brenda's arms, and dragged her to her office past the confused but prying eyes.

She walked into the office, and let go of Brenda as she walked through the door. Brenda turned, shutting and locking the door. She quickly shut the blinds, and locked the door that went to the hallway.

"What is wrong with you?" Sharon shouted at her. Brenda turned from the door, and looked at Sharon. "I'm not having an affair, nor are you. We slept together once," Sharon added, now in a lower tone so anyone passing by couldn't hear. "You are making this harder than it needs to be."

Brenda could see that Sharon wasn't meaning what she said. She walked over to her, and Sharon walked to the other side of her desk to keep distance between Brenda and her.

"I just need to talk to you, Sharon. Look, I had to leave that morning-"

"-you made that very clear," Sharon finished with a stern but hurt voice.

"Let me explain, though." Brenda bit her lip, feeling like a foolish school girl. That is exactly how Sharon made her feel. "I couldn't think straight with you near me. I can still barely think straight, and it's almost a month." She moved closer to her again. "Just bein' in the same room is hard…" She looked down.

"Brenda, you don't mean it. You left me, and I understand. You have a family, a husband. I'm just someone you had a fling with, and that is fine… But I can't go further than that," Sharon insisted taking another step back, now within an inch of the window.

"It's funny," Brenda said, tilting her head, moving around the desk.

"What is?"

"That your mouth says one thin', and your eyes say somethin' completely differ'nt," Brenda said, and placed her hands on Sharon's hips. Sharon's breath got shallow, and her eyes were fixed on Brenda's lips. "And right now, your eyes are telling me you want me to kiss you."

Sharon eyes moved to Brenda's, and she opened her mouth to protest but was cut off with Brenda's mouth covering hers. Sharon knew she could not help but give into Brenda's touch, no matter how much she didn't want to. Brenda's hands moved up Sharon's side pushing her closer to her, and Sharon's hands moved onto Brenda's jaw. She felt herself losing herself in the kiss as Brenda's mouth caught every tender spot in her mouth. Brenda's left hand traveled around Sharon's side to her breast. Sharon let a soft groan roll out of her and into Brenda's mouth. Brenda pulled away from Sharon, and began placing soft kisses on her cheeks that rolled down her neck.

"I just want you," Brenda mumbled between her kisses. "I need you almost more than air," she confessed, and kissed Sharon's neck once more. Sharon added pressure to Brenda's jaw, bringing her face to hers. Brenda was now certain that it wasn't just sex they had, but they had made love.

"Do you mean that?" Sharon asked, and let her hands run down Brenda's upper chest. Her fingers began twirling the blonde locks that fell from Brenda's head. She could feel a welling in her jaw, as she tried to contain the overwhelming emotions she gained from hearing those words.

Brenda smiled lightly and nodded. "Yea, I mean it," Brenda told her, and kissed her softly once more.

Sharon pulled back this time, with a soft look on her face. She ran the back of her fingers along Brenda's cheek. A gentle smile graced her face.

"If this is what you really want, fine," Sharon started, "but not here. I will not have sex with you at work, no matter how much I want to push you against that desk and make you scream my name." Brenda raised her eyebrow, slightly caught off guard by the blunt sexual statement.

"What's stoppin' you?" Brenda questioned seductively. She pushed herself against Sharon, gaining a soft "mm" from her.

Sharon chuckled at the slightly ironic answer. "Rules," she said in almost a hum.

"Mm, can't you just forget the rules just this one time? Pretty please? I swear I will make it worth your while," Brenda continues, swaying her body so it would rub against the other woman's.

"I can't, no matter how much I want to," Sharon insisted.

"Why are you so stuck on your rules?" Brenda asked her, and Sharon's gentle face fell into one of almost sadness. She moved out of Brenda's grip, and she pulled her chair from under her desk to sit.

"I have my reasons, one being I don't want to break a rule that could get me fired," Sharon answered simply as she sat in her desk chair.

"What's the other?" Brenda wondered, pushing for more information. She leaned her behind against Sharon's desk, her old desk, and looked down to Sharon. Sharon matched her eyes, and sighed.

Sharon shook her head, knowing the other reasons were too personal to share. They were the reasons she never told anyone, things she never talked about. She let a small breath out.

"Look, if you want to do this meet me at here at 7 tomorrow," Sharon said, and wrote the name of the hotel on a piece of paper. "Can you do that?"

She took the slip of paper, and glanced down at the paper. "Yea, I can do that, but why are you avoidin' answerin' me?" She asked.

Sharon rubbed her forehead. "Look, Brenda, there are just some things I don't talk about. That is one of those things," she answered.

Brenda sighed heavily, letting go of it for now. "Fine," she muttered, and pushed her self into a seating position on Sharon's desk. Sharon rested her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Brenda, it's not that I-" she started, but stopped herself letting her hand drop to the hard wood under it. "I didn't mean it like that," she corrected herself.

Brenda smiled weakly, "I know. You aren't ready to talk about it yet. But if or when you do want to talk about it, I'm right here," she told Sharon, giving her some assurance. Sharon smiled back, and rubbed her fingers along Brenda's leg that was exposed by her knee length skirt.

"Thank you," Sharon replied, feeling a bit of relief that Brenda would be there to listen if she ever decided to actually talk about it.

"You're welcome." Brenda pushed herself off the desk. "I should be getting back to work."

"Me too," Sharon agreed, and looked for the folder she thought she had brought into her office with her.

"Before I go," Brenda started.

"Hm?" Sharon asked, looking up from her desk. She was met by Brenda's index finger trailed along her jawline to her chin, making her head tip up further. Brenda leaned down and kissed the other woman quickly but sweetly.

When she pulled back, she could see Sharon was smiling widely. Sharon's eyes were closed, wishing she could feel Brenda's lips again. She let out a soft sigh when she realized that another kiss was not going to happen, and she opened her eyes. Brenda's hand fell off Sharon's chin.

"I will see you tomorrow," Brenda said, as she made her way to the door.

"Tomorrow," Sharon repeated adding a small nod of her head. She watched the sway of Brenda's hips as she exited her office. Her smile slowly faded, and she covered her forehead with her right hand.

'Why did I agree to an affair? Could I be more stupid?' She questioned to herself. She knew the answer though, she could not resist Brenda. She knew that if Brenda had really pushed sex that she would give in, she was thankful that Brenda hadn't seen that yet.

"Capatain?" Flynn asked, knocking on the door to her office. Sharon quickly shot her head up, and wiped around her lip where she was sure lipstick had gotten from the kisses she had received. She moved over to the door, and opened it carefully.

"Yes, Lt. Flynn?" She wondered, looking directly at him and forced a smile on her face.

"I found something rather strange," he answered. She walked out of her office and followed him to his desk.

When darkness rolled over Los Angles, Sharon Raydor was sitting by the window of the hotel room. She kept checking her watch, though sometimes a full minute hadn't even past since she looked at it last. She leaned to the edge of her chair, putting all weight on her arms that were by knees, and she gripped the edge of the chair. She dropped her head, exhaling deeply. She looked over to her purse, knowing she wanted to get a cigarette from her pack to calm her nerves. As if to purposely pull her from the thought she heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Sharon called out, not wanting to open the door for anyone but Brenda.

"Who do you think?" Brenda called out, making Sharon give a sigh of relieve as she stood. She took off her new pair of glasses, setting them aside to be sure they would not get ruined this time. She dropped the hotel rob off her shoulders, and let it fall to the ground. She walked over to the door, and opened it slightly. Brenda walked inside the room, her eyes glued to Sharon's body while doing so.

"I thought you weren't going to come," Sharon admitted, shutting the door.

"I told you I would," Brenda said, her eyes still stuck on Sharon. "Nice underwear," she added pointing out the black lace undergarments Sharon decided to wear specifically for Brenda. Sharon shifted uneasily. Brenda dropped her bag, and keys on the counter top the hotel provided. She unbuttoned her blazer, and set it beside her bag. Sharon covered her body with her arm, getting uncomfortable standing there half naked and barely getting notice. Brenda slipped her feet out of her shoes, and turned to Sharon with a smirk on her face.

She walked over to Sharon, grabbing her hand dragging her to the hotel bed. She sat on the edge of the bed, letting Sharon stand in front of her. Brenda began kissing Sharon's bare stomach with light caresses. Sharon humed against the contact, and pushed her hands into Brenda's long blonde hair. Brenda could not get over how perfect Sharon was underneath her clothes. She moved her hands to Sharon's sides, and felt what she could only think to be a scar. Brenda pulled back as she felt a tug of Sharon's hands. She moved away from Sharon into the focal point of the bed.

She shed her shirt, tossing it aside, and grabbed both of Sharon's wrist to pull her down with her onto the bed. Brenda kissed Sharon's neck and moved up to her mouth. Her hands let go of Sharon's wrist, moving them to Sharon's bottom. The kiss growing into need with each passing second.

Sharon watched Brenda's body rise, and Sharon's hands held Brenda's hips down to the bed. Brenda gripped the hand full of Sharon's hair she had already had a hold of, and her chest arched as a scream ripped from inside her. Brenda fell back of the bed, still breathing heavy. Sharon began her hands along Brenda's hips up to her legs, and she rested her head against Brenda's inner thigh not yet moving up to meet the woman. She let Brenda gain normal breathing, and lost herself in her train of thought.

Brenda looked down between her legs at the woman resting on her thigh in a daze. She reached out and gently ran her finger along the older woman's nose, barely catching Sharon's attention.

"Sharon?" Brenda asked softly, her voice still slightly husky.

"Hm?" Sharon wondered, snapping from her daze. Brenda tilted her head lightly.

"What are you thinking about?"

Sharon sighed, trying to collect all of her thoughts into one statement. She matched Brenda's deep chocolate eyes.

"I am just thinking about how we got here," she answered. Brenda tilted her head and narrowed her eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"I just never thought I would be in this position with you," Sharon added, causing Brenda to laugh.

"You never thought you would be between my legs?" Brenda joked, and Sharon laughed with her.

Sharon lifted her head off Brenda's leg. "Well, that position too," she said with a smile. "But I meant in any sexual relationship."

"I never expected it either," Brenda agreed. "I mean, we use to hate each other and now look at us."

"I never hated you, Brenda," Sharon corrected.

Brenda couldn't help but let out a soft scuff. "You're kidding, right? It's like you wanted to devour me." Sharon arched her eyebrow, signifying the true statement but with another meaning. "Oh. You have felt like this me this time?"

"Not sexual, but I always wanted to be close to you… But I had to distance myself because of my job… I needed to be hated… It was easier for both of us that way," She explained, and placed a kiss on Brenda's knee. She pulled herself upward, and laid directly on top of Brenda. She rested her chin between Brenda's chest and neck.

Brenda looked down at her at a weird angle. She could never imagine working in IA, having no choice but to be a bitch. She could not imagine pushing everyone away because she had to so she wasn't bias. Brenda took a lot of things lightly, but the fact that Sharon had survived there made Brenda think she was that much stronger. Yet, here, looking down into Sharon's eyes green eyes she looked so fragile.

"When did you start having feelings for me?" Sharon asked, and slide down Brenda's side so they could both lie comfortably.

Brenda let her arm wrap around Sharon, gripping her shoulder lightly. She stayed like this as she thought of the answer. It was something she hadn't really thought of.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. "I think it may have been during the lawsuit, when everyone turned their backs on me but you. The one person I thought would rub in my face was the person that helped me through all of it… At some point during all of that, it took me picturing you at my office to get up and go to work… I couldn't even have sex with Fritz without thinking of you, and it terrified me… I tried so hard to push the feelings back, but when you kissed me that night it all came pouring out of me," she clarified.

"Am I as good as you fantasized?" Sharon played.

"Better," Brenda whispered gently, and kissed the top of her head. Sharon smirked, and added more weight to her head as she adjusted herself into a more suitable position.

"Good," she got out.

They fell silent for a while, just holding each other and thinking. Brenda's hand grew a slight tingle with the weight of Sharon pressing against it, to stop it from falling asleep she began to run her hands down Sharon's bare back to her side. Her finger's ran gently over the scar over Sharon's ribs again, and then moved back up to it tracing the outline of it. She felt Sharon tense slightly, and she could sense the scar was something that held a deep impact on her.

"Where did this scar come from?" Brenda asked out loud without fully realizing she did so. Sharon pulled away slightly, but Brenda tightened her grasp so she couldn't. Sharon turned into her, and placed a deep lustful kiss on Brenda's lips. Brenda couldn't help but forget the question as Sharon's lips made her mind become mush, that was until Brenda realized that is exactly why Sharon was kissing her; so she would forget the question. Brenda placed her hand on Sharon's shoulder, and pushed her back to break the kiss. She looked meaningfully into Sharon's eyes. She got a weary smile, and placed her free hand on Sharon's cheek. "It's one of those thing you don't talk about, ain't it?" She asked.

"It is," Sharon answered, and slumped slightly against Brenda's naked body.

"You are one for deals," Brenda stated, "so here is one for you; how about you tell me what happened, and I will give you a story about one of my scars?" Brenda offered.

Sharon shifted uneasily, this was more than just a deal or a scar, it was a large part of her life in a single scar. "Brenda, I can't… It's more than a simple battle wound… It's a broken wound that formed me," she explained hoping to get Brenda to lean off, but it only made Brenda wonder that much more.

"Do you realize how much I love to hear that? Sharon, I want to know this underlining I am seeing when we make love, but you won't show me. I want to know you, and you are blocking me… You don't have to be scared…" Brenda sighed lightly. "How about two scars for the one," she raised the stakes with a small smile.

Sharon took a shaky breath, it was clear Brenda would not let this go. Looking into her eyes Sharon wanted to tell Brenda, but she had never actually told anyone. She couldn't deny Brenda though; if Brenda wanted the moon and all the stars, God help her, she would give her everything to give it to her. She smiled weakly, knowing it would be hard but she needed to do it. Maybe it would be better to finally tell someone, to not hold this demon anymore.

"Fine," Sharon agreed finally. "I get to choose which two, and you have to give your stories first."

Brenda raised her eyebrow and nodded lightly. "Deal."

"Okay," Sharon said, and remembered the scars that stuck out when they were caressing. Her hands gently moved to Brenda's neck and moved to a small circles etched into her skin. "This one," she told her. She let her hands move back down Brenda's body to a surgery scar that was barely noticeable on her upper abdomen to the side more to the right. "And this one."

"Alright, we will start with this one," Brenda said, identifying the scar on her neck. "Though, I must say I am surprised you don't already know."

"What do you mean?"

"It happened on the job years ago…" Brenda began. "I killed a man, a suspect… " This confession caused Sharon to raise an eyebrow, and made her wonder how she missed that while looking into Brenda's background. "Though, when I went to question him I didn't think he was a suspect. That was until I added it all together, but it was to late. He attacked me with a cattle prong-"

"A cattle prong?" She asked in almost disbelief.

"Yes, he would brand his victims with it before he would kill them. He hit me with it twice, and I shot at least ten times that," she finished.

"How did I miss that story?" Sharon questioned, with almost a laugh.

"I don't know," Brenda said, honestly not knowing.

"And the other scar?" Sharon pressed on.

"When I was 18 my younger cousin had kidney failure, so I gave her one of mine because I was her only match… She would have been dead if she'd waited to make the top of the list for a transplant."

"That was a very noble thing of you to do, Brenda," Sharon told her.

"I don't think of it as noble, I just didn't want my cousin to die… And my parents got so mad at me for doing it, but I couldn't see her suffering anymore." Sharon pursed her lips, trying not to explain to Brenda that is what made it noble. Brenda looked down to Sharon. "Your turn."

Sharon sat up slightly, knowing the story would be much longer Brenda's combined. She faced Brenda, and took a deep breath. She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"Sharon?" Brenda asked concerned.

"Hold on," Sharon barely got out. "I just need a second…" She tried to scrambled the facts in her head, and she didn't know how to start. "The scar is obviously from a surgery. They had to, uh… they had to reconnect my ribs because three of them literally snapped in half. You can actually feel the plate in there that holds it together," Sharon explained. She grabbed Brenda's hand, and carefully applied pressure so Brenda would feel the metal plates. She dropped Brenda's hand, but did not let it needing it for comfort to tell the rest of the story.

"One of the ribs actually punctured my lung and the EMT's had to drain the blood from them on the way to the hospital. Thank god that scar finally healed."

"How… Why did your ribs get broken so bad?" Brenda pressed.

Sharon swallowed as she knew the hardest part was ahead. "I was… It was when… I was beaten years ago," she finally told then realized that it could have been taken wrong. "I wasn't in an abusive relationship, or anything like that…" She paused, letting the memory she forced back for so long to reappear in front of her eyes. "Over thirty years ago… When I was 23…" Sharon stumbled, making it more than clear that Sharon had most defiantly not shared this story often. "I was going to the University of Utah for my graduates in Psychology-"

"Psychology? Really?" Brenda pondered, not seeing Sharon as the Psychology type.

"Yes, I was doing it for the research part of psychology, not to become a psych or therapist and help people with their problems… I would have been terrible at that."

Brenda laughed slightly, agreeing. "I was at the library till closing, studying. It was very late, and my car broke down so I had to walk to my dorm…" Brenda's stomach lurched, not liking where this was heading. "I was so scared because there had been three cases of women on campus that had been beaten, and murdered… I was so happy when a police man stopped me and asked me if I wanted a ride to my dorm. When he drove past my housing I started to feel uneasy, but then he kept driving till we were near the woods. He pulled over the car and told me to get out. When I questioned him, he pulled out his gun. He made me walk down the ditch into the woods, and forced me on my knees. When he tried taking off my clothes I fought back. I hit him, and I broke his nose and jaw… Then he took out his gun, and I grabbed it. We fought over it, and he pistol whipped me in my rips, breaking them. I had never felt so much pain in my life, and I tumbled over." Her breath was now uneven, and she was shaking. Brenda moved in closer, squeezing her hand for reassurance.

"I remember him on top of me, gripping my hair, and smashing my head into the ground. I had never in my life felt so helpless. I used all the strength I could, and fought with him for the gun. At some point, which has become hazy over the years, I shot him in the back, and he fell down. I had never shot anyone before, but I knew I hit his spine so it was bad. I heard somebody calling, and I collapsed… Everything just went black after that… Next thing I knew I was in a hospital room and 3 days had passed. A passing by officer had seen the empty patrol car and came looking, and came across what was happening. He arrested the officer, and he is facing life without parole," she tied off.

"Sharon, I'm so sorry, I had no idea." Sharon shook her head. She leaned back down into Brenda's chest, needing the sound of her heartbeat. "Thank god you survived that."

"I do," Sharon added. "If it weren't for that I would have never become a police officer. I left Salt Lake City because I didn't feel safe there anymore… I came to LA, took self-defense classes, and decided that I wanted to be a police officer to stop people, police and civilian alike, from doing what that man did to me."

"You came out stronger," Brenda said with all seriousness, gaining more insight into why Sharon had join FID. "But aren't you kind of upset he didn't get death?"

Sharon sighed lightly. "At first I was, but I soon realized that I am glad that bastard gets to sit in prison paralyzed knowing that he fucked with the wrong girl that night, and it makes me so glad to know he won't hurt anymore girls…"

Brenda laughed slightly. "You're one tough cookie, aren't you?"

Sharon chuckled with her. "Damn straight," she added. "I try not to focus on the past, it can't be changed and I am happy where I am."

"Are you?" Brenda questioned, placing her hand on Sharon's knee and smiling.

"I am." Her stomach growled lightly, and she sat up. "Have you eaten yet?" She asked Brenda.

"Uh, no. Why?" Brenda asked, sitting up as well.

"I am going to get some room service, and I wondered if you wanted any," Sharon elaborated. Brenda could still sense Sharon's hesitation and awkwardness about sharing the part of her so well hidden, so Brenda thought she would flatter her.

"I would, thank yew," Brenda said, rubbing Sharon's leg gently. She kissed Sharon's forehead, and moved off the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"To the restroom, unless your rather I do that here?" Brenda joked.

"No, go ahead," Sharon said, laughing slightly. She watched the sway of Brenda's hips as she made her way to the bathroom.

She gently sighed, and reached over for the phone by the bedside. She called room service, placing an order to be sent to the room, and laid back down on the bed. She wrapped herself in the blanket provided, and inhaled deeply as the blanket smelt like Brenda. She scooted into the bed, further and felt herself drifting off to sleep. That was until she felt the bed moving beside her as the weight of Brenda shifted the bed, and she heard the sound of the comforter lifting. She heard Brenda hum softly as she moved closer to Sharon. Brenda's arm wrapped around Sharon's waist, holding her close, and Sharon wrapped her fingers into Brenda's. Brenda kissed Sharon's shoulder lightly, and curled her head into Sharon's back.

"The food will be here in 15 minutes," Sharon told Brenda.

"That's quick," Brenda answered simply, and pushed further into Sharon to make no space anywhere between them.

"Hm, yes it is," Sharon agreed, not thinking too much of what Brenda had said. She was too caught up in the contact of Brenda's skin against her, and the warmth of it. She felt comfort in the closeness, and, as much as it scared her, she needed it. She had been alone so long she had almost forgotten what it felt like, and even then it still had never felt this good. Neither could tell how long had passed before the someone spoke.

"Don't fall asleep on me," Brenda said, at hearing Sharon's breathing getting heavier and longer. Sharon smiled softly.

"I guess you just wear me out," Sharon joked back, nudging her shoulder back slightly against Brenda's head. Brenda chuckled.

"Maybe it is just your age," Brenda teased. Sharon's eyes opened, and she broke her comfortable position to look at Sharon.

"You did not just call me old," Sharon responded, almost stunned but still smiling.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

"Oh, you little-"

"-What are you going to do about it?" Brenda questioned.

Sharon raised her eyebrow, and turned towards Brenda. She rolled herself on top of Brenda, a state that she was gladly growing accustom to. Her hair fell to the sides of her face. Sharon knew she was too tired for another round of sex, but she was bound determined to get Brenda back. She reached down between Brenda's legs, but before she could make contact there was a knock at the door.

"Room service," a mans voice came from the other side of the door. Sharon growled, and Brenda laughed. Brenda gently pushed Sharon off her, and Sharon moved off the bed. She grabbed the robe that she had discarded long ago to the floor, and threw it on quickly as another knock came through the door.

"Coming," Sharon answered.

She opened the opened the door just enough to see the man with the cart for their room, then opened it the rest of the way. He had short black hair, and brown eyes. She could see tattoos peeking from the top of his uniform, and holes where his gages would have been. He was young, barely old enough to bare the tattoos he had. He began to walk the cart into the room, and Sharon placed her hand the cart on it.

"No, no. I've got it," she told him. The man drew his eyebrows together, and looked into the room quickly. He saw Brenda on the bed with nothing but the hotel bed comforter covering her, and he looked back up to Sharon.

"Cool, cool," he added with a nonjudgmental nod. "Just leave push the trey back out when you're done. Or if you leave before the nights out, just leave it in the room and the maid'll get it."

He turned around and left without another word. Sharon grabbed the cart of food, and carefully wheeled it into the room. She was chuckling slightly at the carelessness of the boys reaction. She wondered if it was something he saw often.

"Food is here," she told Brenda, though she knew Brenda had guessed. She took each platter and set it on the bed in front of Brenda.

"I don't think I have ever had Dinner in bed," Brenda said with a smile.

"Well, looks like you and I are having more than one first with each other," Sharon added. She lifted the first plate, revealing a piece of chocolate cake. Brenda looked up to Sharon with joyful eyes.

"Oh, Sharon. Thank yew," Brenda said truly heartfelt.

"I know you like your chocolate, Brenda Leigh."

Brenda smirked, glad that Sharon remember, but she knew it was a hard thing to forget. None the less, it made her glad. She watched as Sharon lifted the next platter trey, relieving a plate of smoked roast beef with herbed mashed potatoes.

"I didn't know what you wanted so I got us both this," Sharon said, lifting her plate.

"That is fine," Brenda accepted. "It smells delicious."

"Bet it taste better."

Brenda grabbed her fork, willing to try this theory. She took a sliver of the pulled meat, and took a bit. Sharon followed the motions. They ate in comfortable silence, enjoying the food. As Brenda neared finishing her food she realized how fast she had eaten, and wished it had gone by slower. She looked up to Sharon, letting her eyes travel along the bit of skin exposed from where the slit in the robe was coming undone.

"What's your middle name?" Brenda questioned her. Sharon looked up from her plate, meeting Brenda's eyes.

"My middle name?" Sharon repeated.

"Yea, you do have one don't ya?"

"Of course, I just don't ever actually use it… Or say it."

"Well, I still wanna know what it is," Brenda pressed.

Sharon squinted her eyes. "Why?"

"You know mine."

"Everybody knows yours," Sharon reminded her.

"I know, but don't you think it is a little far if I know yours now… I mean, we are sleeping together," Brenda pointed out. Saying it out loud made it official, she was undoubtly having an affair with this woman.

Sharon tilted her head, she didn't see the harm in telling Brenda. It's not like Brenda couldn't find it out anyway, if she really wanted.

"It's Christine," Sharon said, giving up information hardly anyone knew.

"Christine?" Brenda checked, getting a nod from Sharon. "Sharon Christine Raydor, my that is a pretty name. Your parents did a wonderful job picking that out."

"Thanks," Sharon said with a slight smile. "Though, Raydor is not my maiden name, I just never changed it when I got divorced."

Brenda opened her mouth to ask her what her maiden name was and why she never changed it, but was cut off by her phone ringing. She sighed, and slide off the bed to walk over to her purse on the counter. She dug her phone out of the large black bag, and answered it as sweet as ever.

"Brenda Leigh," she said answering it. Sharon could heard yelling on the other side, though she couldn't make out what was being said. "Fritzy, calm down. I just lost track of time, I- I will be home shortly." More shouting came from the other end. "I know. I know… Please, don't-" she was cut off by Fritz's yelling once more. She didn't dare tell Sharon the cause of this, embarrassed that she knew in the back of her mind she was to blame for his drinking and that he was drunk at this moment. "Look, Fritz, I said I will be home shortly. You want to keep yelling, and looking to play the blame game, look in the mirror," she said, and hung up knowing that she had only set herself up for an even bigger argument when she got home. She turned to Sharon, who was still sitting on the bed. "Sorry, but I-"

"-have to go," Sharon finished.

"Yea," Brenda said with an apologetic face. "I wish I could stay and eat that cake."

"Oh, you can take it. I wont eat it," Sharon insisted.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, I am more of a cheesecake kind of girl."

Brenda smiled gently, and sat back down on the bed. "I will eat it before I go," she said, lifting the plate. She slide closer to Sharon, and Sharon wrapped her arms around her so she could lean on her. Brenda silently ate her cake, enjoying both the warmth of Sharon's body and the delicious cake. Sharon was placing soft kisses on Brenda's shoulder as she ate. When she finished, she set the plate back on the bed and turned to Sharon. "I don't want to go home. I want to stay like this, just me and you."

Sharon's face was gentle, and she smiled weakly. "I don't want you to go either…" She looked closer to Brenda's mouth.

"What?"

"You've got cake on your lip," Sharon addressed. She leaned in close to Brenda. "I'll get it." She swiftly kissed Brenda, taking the chocolate frosting off Brenda's lip. "Mm, maybe I should have eaten that, it's good." Brenda smiled, and kissed Sharon once more. This time they were separated by Sharon's phone ringing. Sharon sighed, and located her blazer.

"Capatain Raydor," she answered her phone. She watched Brenda get off the bed, and begin dressing herself.

"Sharon, where are you?" Rusty's voice came out. "I called your office, and no one answered. Then I called Buzz and he said you left hours ago."

"Sorry, Rusty. I was just out with a friend, I am heading home now."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye," she said and hung up. She looked over to Sharon. "Rusty," she told Brenda.

Brenda nodded, trying to locate her skirt. Sharon joined her in dressing, and they both did so quickly. Brenda had finished first, and leaned against the counter watching Sharon.

"When can we do this again?" Brenda wondered, knowing she wanted it to be soon.

Sharon threw her shirt over her body, and sighed thinking. "I don't know, how about lunch time on next Thursday? You can come over my house."

"I'd like that."

"Good, so it's set." Sharon said, putting on her last piece of clothing, her blazer.

"It's set."

"Okay. I know I really have to go, and I know you do too."

Brenda huffed, not wanting to go home to the fight she knew awaited her. "Yea, I do."

"I'll see you then," Sharon said, giving her a quick kiss goodbye, and left the room. Brenda left a few minutes later after trying to prolong her leaving by cleaning up a little. But she eventually left the hotel room and headed home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:Okay guys, sorry about a few things. One how long it's been since I've updated; I've worked a lot, my internet got shut off, and I was moving so I didn't get to post this when I originally planned. Also, I am sorry for the heaviness on Sharon's past. I was trying to avoid something like that, but I had to because of a plot in much later chapters that fully reveals Sharon's past and why she is the way she is.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter that was need to lead into other situations in later chapters.

Chapter 3

Sharon opened the door to her apartment, sweat rolling off down her forehead that she wiped away with the back of her hand. She turned to shut the door as silently as she could and walked over into her kitchen for a glass of water. She heard rustling in the next room, and she heard Rusty's door open. She sighed lightly with defeat and sat down with her glass at the dining room table still panting. She took a drink and looked up at Rusty as he walked by her to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," she apologized.

"You didn't," he replied, reaching into the cupboard for a glass "I was already awake. Couldn't sleep." He turned to the fridge for milk. "You go running?"

She looked down at her attire, which consisted of sweat covered exercise top, jacket, and yoga pants. Her hair was up, but fallen out of it's lose bun.

"Uh, yea. I couldn't really sleep either," she admitted.

Yesterday Rusty had gone out with his father, and Sharon had yet to ask him how it went. It wasn't the first time they had gone out, and she knew it was unlikely the last, but she couldn't help but feel a bit sadder each time he left. And today, Sharon would be seeing Brenda for the second time, officially. She had been too conflicted between excitement and slight depression to sleep.

Rusty leaned against the counter. "Do you want breakfast?" He asked, noting that he had another hour before he needed to get ready for work.

She grinned. "I would love breakfast," she said with a glee. She sighed, and stood. "I probably smell horrific, so while you're cooking I am going to jump into shower."

"Thanks," he added as she walked back to the bathroom.

.*.*.*.

Sharon set her brush down after running her brush through her wet hair, and looked at herself in the mirror. Her make-up was done as she liked it, and slacks were pressed perfectly as she had ironed them last night. She pulled her blazer over her arms, flipping her wet hair over it. She hated how her hair was always the last thing to get done because of how slow it dried.

"Sharon, breakfast is done," she heard rusty call out. She let out a small breath, knowing she would have to wait to fix her hair, and walked out to the dining room.

Rusty was setting a two plates of pancakes down on the table next to a small plate with butter and syrup. A glass of milk was set by each plate.

"I made pancakes," he said.

"I can see that, thank you," she replied, taking a seat at the end of the table. Rusty sat down beside her, in his normal seat.

"They aren't regular pancakes," he informed her as she began placing the butter on them. She looked up to him with curious eyes.

"How do you mean?" She questioned, now a bit skeptical.

"I don't like regular pancakes so I add cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla to them," he explained.

"That sounds different, but amazing," she continued with eagerness now in her voice. She resumed buttering them, and handed the butter to Rusty. She began pouring syrup onto the pancakes. "I know I haven't asked, but how was it yesterday with your father?"

Rusty paused only for a moment, he had been expecting the question. "It was fine."

"Fine?"

"We went to the museum, he just kept talking about his family. When he asked about me, I just froze like I always do. I can't stand it when he asks about me, because I don't want him to know. He can't know about me on the streets… And I don't want to see him, it just hurts more to know that if he knows about my past, he'll be gone just like my mom. You're the only person who doesn't judge me, and I just wish there was a way I could stay."

"Me too," she agreed. She wanted him to stay, not only because she knew it would be best and the less likely for him to relapse. "But until we get reach that point, we can make the best out of the time we have. And even once you leave, you know you are welcome here any time you want even or when you do leave."

He nodded his head, and took a bit of his food. They ate in silence for a few moments, until Sharon realized that Rusty kept looking at her. She hoped it wasn't for the same reason as last week, when she had gotten home from the hotel and he had pointed out that something was "different" about her.

"What?" She asked, tilting her head and looking around.

"Well, I want to ask you something, but I know you'll say no," Rusty began.

"How do you know for certain if you don't ask," she said.

He sighed. "Because I know you."

"Rusty, what is it?"

He set down his fork on his plate. "Look if you say no, I get it. Uh, our drama club wants to take a trip but there are some stipulations."

Sharon lifted her eyebrow. "Such as?"

"Well, one, I don't know how long I will be here for so we aren't doing the trip though the school. Two, all the of parent's pitched in for it and we have more than enough for all of us, and we were wondering if you could come with us. All of the parents know that since it's not through the school, so if it's you, since you're a cop, that takes us, they will let us go."

"How many is 'us', and where is it that you intend to go?"

"Uh, like I said just the drama club, so 5."

"Okay, and where?" She pressed on.

"New York City for a week."

Sharon's face fell, and her hand dropped to the table. "New York City?"

"Yea, but hear me out," he pleaded. She waved her hand, allowing his rant wanting to see what exactly was going on in New York. "We want to go see the different types of theater, not just drama, to see how we can correlate it into acting," he explained his clearly well practiced speech. "So, we were going to see shows of all fine arts areas; Broadway, the Met for an opera, orchestra, ballet, musical theater, and just the sights. I know you like that stuff," he said, throwing his thumb over his shoulder to her wall behind her desk to the paintings. "And we want the experience to witness the best. And there is enough money for us, plus one more if you wanted to invite someone, hotel, plane, and food, and some spending."

Sharon shook her head. "How did you get that much money for all of that?"

"Gavine, the drama club president, his dad is like a billionaire and is paying for it. He thinks it will be a great learning experience for us, and giving us some culture." She could see the excitement in his eyes, and hear it in his voice. "We are scheduling it around my chess tournament, because three of us are in it so I wont miss that."

"When is it this trip?"

"Well, if you agree to go, the end of next month."

She sighed. "I will think about it, and let you know," she said, honestly considering it. It would be nice to get away for while, but she didn't know if she could get that long off.

"Thank you, Sharon," he replied with hope. She nodded, and took the next bite of her pancake.

.*.*.*.

"Sharon?" The sweet Georgia accent rang. Sharon peeked her left eye open and looked at the blonde woman over her pillow.

"Yes?" Sharon said gently barely even speaking at all as she was to lost in the moment. She wouldn't admit it, but it scared her how much she let herself go with at Brenda's side. Scared of how much time flew by, and how less she cared of the world around her.

Brenda's hands smoothed over Sharon's back. "Oh my, your back is tense!" she exclaimed, forgetting why she had originally called her.

"I can't remember the last time it wasn't," she said laughing slightly.

"That's terrible, haven't you ever gotten a message or somethin'?" Brenda wondered.

"I've tried, but they've never worked."

"Well, maybe it just never the right hands," Brenda said with a suggesting tone.

"Oh?"

"Yes, in fact, maybe I should try," she offered. Sharon knew it was unlikely that Brenda could relieve the tension in her back, but she was more than happy to let her attempt to do so.

"I don't see the harm," Sharon agreed. She rolled on to her back, and let Brenda straddle her carefully. She could feel the heat from Brenda pressing against the lowest part of her back, and Brenda's hands pressing firmly on her neck. Brenda's fingertips kneaded at Sharon's neck and down her spine, causing a shiver to roll throughout Sharon's back. She felt her humming softly at her tender touch.

Brenda watched the woman become more and more relaxed as her hands ran across her bare back. Her hums getting fainter with each stroke of her hand, and her eyes slip close without fighting it. It wasn't long until Sharon's breathing completely changed into a shallow and deep exhale. Brenda chuckled lightly, knowing she had fallen asleep.

She looked over to the clock on Sharon's bedside, and saw that they had ten minutes to be back at work. As silent as she could, she opened the side table and was relieved to see a memo pad sitting inside it. She saw the memo on the page it was currently on, 'Call Virginia' written in Sharon's swift cursive. That was all that was on the page, but Brenda couldn't help but feel it was important. She opened the folded memo pad, so both the memo already written and hers could be seen. She pulled the pen from the spiral wire and carefully wrote out her message for her lover. When she finished, she set the memo pad beside Sharon's bedside and picked up Sharon's phone. After sending a quick to Lieutenant Provensa, pretending to be Sharon and lying saying that she hadn't felt good, she dressed.

She stood in the doorway for a moment, debating if she would leave the woman asleep, but she couldn't find herself to wake her when she looked so peaceful. She sighed as her face formed a small smirk, still not believing Sharon had agreed to this affair. She also still found it hard to wrap her head around the fact that Sharon wanted her, something she had never fully considered and now couldn't help but be overwhelmed with glee. She shut the door as quiet as she could and left the apartment back to reality.

.*.**.

"Sharon?" Sharon her voice being called. She groaned and rolled over not wanting to wake. "Sharon, wake up. It's five," she now could make out Rusty's voice as the one calling her. She opened her eyes, and could see daylight pouring in.

She squinted, not understanding how it could be five with daylight. She looked over to Rusty, who was standing a few feet from her bed with his school uniform still on, clearly moving toward her to wake her by force. She realized that it wasn't five in the morning, but at night. She tried to recall the last thing she remember, and that was Brenda messaging her back around noon. Her eyes opened wide, recalling that she was not wearing anything during that and looked down at her bare back carelessly exposed, almost exposing her chest. She grabbed her blanket, covering herself.

"Go," she muttered. He nodded and walked out awkwardly, shutting the door behind him.

She let out a heavy breath, not believing she had allowed herself to fall asleep for four hours, or that Brenda had let her stay asleep. She reached over to her end table for her phone. She found her memo pad out with her phone on top of it. She sat up, and saw the hand written note by Brenda.

'Sharon, you fell asleep and just couldn't bring myself to wake you. Don't worry about work, I text Provensa from your phone saying your weren't feeling well. I hope your back feels better. Love, BJ'

Sharon couldn't help but smile lightly. She grabbed her phone, checking to make sure the message was received. She unlocked her phone, seeing that she had two messages. The first was Detective Sykes asking where she was, and the second was Provensa's response saying that she would be covered for the rest of today. She also saw a missing phone call from Rusty's phone. She slid off of her bed and grabbed her dress from the floor. The navy blue shift dress pulled over her body with ease. She looked into the mirror, fixing her hair and makeup.

She could hear laughter coming from the living room, and she brought her eyebrows together. How had Rusty gotten home from school? She carefully walked out of her bedroom, and walked to the living room.

"Dude, you can't do an southern accent. I'm sorry, but just stop, you're hurting my ears," said an unfamiliar voice. She walked through the hallway and found a young boy about Rusty's age sitting on her couch. He had short dark brown hair that was neatly pushed back with gel, and matching dark eyes. His skin was olive, and his smile wide.

"Hello?" Sharon questioned, causing the young man to look at her. He continued to smile as he stood.

"Nice to finally meet you Captain Raydor, I'm Gavine," he introduced, sticking his hand out for her to shake it.

"Nice to meet you too, though I am curious as to why you are here," she added.

"Uh, I dropped Rusty off because you weren't picking up."

"Oh, yes, well I fell accidently fell asleep. Thank you for giving him a ride."

"It, uh, it was no problem," he said sweetly, glancing at Rusty then down to the floor. "I didn't mind it at all."

Sharon turned her head to the right ever so slightly, catching the boys actions. She nodded, accepting his explanation.

"Thank you anyways," she repeated. He smiled lightly.

"Welcome." He stood, picking his tan messenger bag off the ground. "I should be going."

"Oh, you don't have to," Rusty said, almost begging him to stay. "I mean, Sharon, would you mind if he had dinner with us?"

Sharon, caught off guard, nodded simply. "I guess. It's the least I could do for you bring Rusty home." Not only was it that, but she didn't want to confront Rusty about what all he had seen while in her room just moments ago, not yet anyway.

"Thanks, Captain Raydor. Just let me call my father, and let him know," he said, stepping aside.

Dinner was entertaining, and Sharon couldn't help but catch the small flirtatious gestures that Gavine was giving towards Rusty. By the time Gavine left it was nearly 10pm, and Sharon was exhausted once again. She now remembered exactly why she never took more than a half hour nap during the day, they made her feel worse during the rest of the day than just staying awake.

Rusty leaned over the sink, grabbing a plate to rinse it as he helped her with dishes. He handed the dish to her, and she placed it carefully into the dish washed. She shut the dish washer and leaned against the counter top, starring at Rusty.

"What?" Rusty questioned, feeling awkward with her just standing there looking at him with a smug look.

"He likes you, you know?" She pointed out.

"Who does, Gavine?" He let out a nervous laugh as Sharon nodded. "No, Gavine doesn't like guys…"

"Does he know you are-"

"-No" he cut her off, seeing where she was heading with the conversation. "Why would I announce that to a bunch of people at a Catholic school?"

"Point taken," she conceded. "But I can tell he does. Maybe he is in the same situation you are, but maybe more so. Maybe he can't come out to anyone. Just the way he looks at you. Do you- do you like him?"

Rusty sighed, rested his hand on the edge of the sink, and looked down bashfully. "Yea, I think… I don't really know. Like, I do, but I also really like someone else… But I can't do anything about either of them."

"Why not?" She wondered, wanting him to be truly happy.

"Gavine, if he is gay, is in the closet. His dad would kill him, and I know that… And," his voice dropped. "The other guy is just a lot of reasons why I couldn't." She could tell he didn't want to finish the statement, and she knew better than to press for it.

"I just want you to be happy, Rusty," she told him. He looked up to her with a small smile, he knew she was trying and he knew he could never thank her enough for actually putting an effort into helping him.

"I know. Thanks for being concerned." They walked over to the living room and began talking about their day. He tilted his head, now knowing that he did see something different about Sharon that he hadn't mistaken. He was also curious about the events he had gone through once he arrived home. "Are you happy, Sharon?"

Sharon lifted her right eyebrow. "What do you mean? Happy about what?"

"With…" he hesitated, wondering if he would actually ask her. "With you lover?"

She pulled her head back slightly, taken off guard thought she should have expected a question about him finding her barely covered in her room. She had defiantly not anticipated that sort of question. She let the thought swirl around in her head for a moment before answering, not fully knowing how to answer.

"I want to yes, but it's very complicated," she answered truthfully.

"Complicated how?"

"I love this person, and it scares me to death. I never felt so strongly towards anyone, but when I am with this I am someone I don't recognize myself. It's like I am a completely different person," she elaborated.

He nodded, understanding. "There is more?" He wondered, seeing her uneasy and knowing that there was.

Sharon closed her eyes. She didn't want Rusty to think less of her, but she didn't want to lie to him either. She dropped her head back looking at the ceiling and closed her eyes, not wanting to look him in the eye as she admitted her sin.

"The person I am seeing is married," she confessed.

"What!? You're having an affair!?" He exclaimed, from genuine shock. The woman he had known to play by the rules to a T, breaking one of the most biggest ones.

"I'm not proud of it, Rusty," she said, bring her head back down. "It's stupid, and selfish, and beyond dangerous… And I honestly don't know what I am going to do when it all falls apart, which I know it's going to. I know it is, but I can't stop. I tried and I was miserable. I can't lose this and you at the same time, I just couldn't take it. I'm not that strong."

He could see the worry and fear in her eyes as they refrained from tears. He had never seen her like this, so scared. For the first time he finally saw how much he meant to her.

"You are stronger than you know, Sharon," he told her with a sad look on his face. "Not many people would be able to deal with me the way you have." She smirked weakly.

"That is very true," she agreed with a light chuckle. "Thank you Rusty."

"For what?"

"For not judging me," she admitted, feeling a bit of relive.

"Yea, the former gay child prostitute is going to judge the only person who has ever given a damn about him for having an affair with the person they love, even though she never judged him in the slightest… Because that makes sense," he joked. She laughed again, knowing the facts he stated were true.

She rested her elbow on the top of her couch, and rested her cheek on the knuckles of her hand. "Do you want to go out for ice cream?"

"Am I like five or something?" He asked in all seriousness.

"Is that a no?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, ice cream actually sounds really good."

She stood. "Get your shoes on. I know the best place in all of LA to get ice cream, and it's open 24 hours."

He got up, and walked to his room. She followed him down the hall to get her shoes and bag from her room. She sat on her bed and watched through her open door into his room as he frantically looked for his misplaced sneakers.

She knew it was inevitable, his leaving, but she now couldn't imagine him not being there. How silent her home would once again become. How alone it would feel. She had moved there only a few years ago when her youngest, Caycee, moved to Seattle for college because she couldn't bare to live in the house she had raise her children in alone. It was to haunting and made her depressed to be there alone. With memories that would never be lingering in each wall. She couldn't help but wonder if that would be the case with Rusty.

They had grown so close, and she had made such progress with him. For him to just be thrown into another unwanted living arrangement seemed absurd, at least to her anyway. She worried about how he would regress into who he was, instead of become the man she knew he could be. It terrified her, but she knew that, if it came down to his father wanting custody, she could do nothing. She just hoped that Rusty understood that he could come over unannounced whenever he pleased, that he was always welcome in her home.

"Found them!" He called out, now flung over the edge of his bed with his right hand supporting him from falling into the floor and the left reaching under the bed for his shoes.

"Good," she replied holding her composer as she always did. It was hard to notice, but she was very often one thread snip away from breaking down. She put on her mask, not wanting Rusty to see how sad she was, and walked out of her room flinging her bag over her shoulder. "Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a very Rusty/Sharon centric story, but for reason. How was I suppose to write this from Sharons POV and not included it… There will be more of their mother/son-ish relationship down the road, but it has two paths at the moment (both leading in the same general direction, it just depends on the season finale [aka whether or not Rusty stay's at Sharon's or moves with his father]). I know the conversation seem a bit out of character (esp Sharon admitting to Rusty she is having an affair), but she needed to tell someone and she hates lying to Rusty (because she figures he has been lied to enough in his life), but she is not going to willingly tell the whole truth either (that it is with Brenda). Also, there is some things in this setting up for later chapter... That is pretty much all this chapter was. Also, I apologize for spelling errors; it's 2 am and I worked all day... I didn't get to check the whole chapter for errors.


End file.
